lol i kissed luke twice. julez and i kissed a lot, made out with ian, kissed billy, and kissed jake... loving this power (;

this movie is seriously freaking me out...

this movie is going to give me nightmares.

so i called chad...he ignored my call. made me sad, so i left him a message

My mom's laughing bc my best friend just called me up and is crying. mom's such a bitch. wow....

i'm starting to get really bored...

watching america's next top model lol i'm cool

i'm really starting to love therapy

ijust spent $71 at the mall with julez lol

julia and i hung out for more than 24 hours <3 i just dropped her off ):

lol brian rivard just smiled at me!

omfj! john Is at the mall!!!

mall with julez et vee. i'm wearing my monkey hat

atv (:

hot chocolate for breakfastttt! that's what they do in canada!!

it was a good night (:

veeka has a crush on my girl. fml

JULIA IS SLEEPING OVER!!

such a cute movie! she and i danced with eachother during the credits<3 back to my house with her :D

we're late...family sucks

just painted my nails leopard print (:

going to see the movie "tangled" with julia <3

lol we're talking about dirty jobs at the dinner table. this is hysterical xD

i really don't want to be socializing with the family. i just want to be in my room...

it's wayyy cold

YES!!! NO CHURCH!!! THANK YOU PEGGY! YOU'RE THE BEST GOD-MOTHER EVERRR!!!

i need a shower lol

i hate my period. did i mention i got it on christmas eve? yeah... thanks santa

i love skating in the moonlight

turned out to not be such a bad day after all

i'm not enjoying this day too much anymore.... this phone is really hard to text with, also...

I had to say merry christmas to him, i'm a good person. I know he can't stand me. I'll be sad the whole day,but fake my happiness for the family. Least i can do

This was a great christmas morning. All excellent gifts(:

Flirting is so powerful. I'm in control. He's begging for me. This feels better than when he gives me an orgasm.

BEST VOICEMAIL OF MY LIFEEE! GAWD. BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!

Sexiest guy ever, seriously mmmm i haven't had good sex in a while omjjjj him and i have been sexting through dinner. I almost moaned out loud. Chase is woww..!

BEST DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE! HE SAID I LOOKED BEAUTIFUL! OMIGAWD OMIGAWD OMIGAWD HYPERVENTILATION!!!

CHASE WAS AT MY CHURCH!!! ORGASMMMMM

Dan and i are texting; it's 12:00 in the morning. When i wrote 'happy christmas eve' the guy on the radio said it on the same time.

So...I'm obsessed with cube crush... NBD

a lesbian has a crush on me, and a gay guy is hitting on me.... i'm seriously uncomfortable...

dan..... do you want something???

as you've noticed, i haven't been on here for too long...

lots of thoughts running through my head

i started a new therapy thing. with a group. it's actually not so bad.

i really miss having him in my life....

i'm afraid to write anything on here for fear of being judged. i know, it's pathetic considering it's my diary. life is starting to suck. i keep going up and down. maybe side to side sometimes. school makes me really upset, so i'm extremely glad that it ended today.

everyone is obsessed with my nails.

i don't know....

Going on a nailpolish expedition

Strip tease in east cath parking lot nbd (x it's a usual thing these days hahaha

I think i'm going to train my left hand to be just as cool as my right hand.

Yesss! 4g!!

I hate waking up sick.

Just found $20 in my pocket. It's a good day(:

HI DAN.... oh wait. dan and i don't really talk much anymore.... well, this sucks

That test was a lot easier than i thought it was. American lit is such a breeze.

One of my new favorite things is white eyeliner (x

I'm so sad. I haven't cut in a long time, i'm so tempted to....... I don't think i even really have the desire to.So i'll cry my eyes out and live with the hurt

Texting in church...Scandalous!

I'm seriously retarded for not updating this. I'm going to make a hugggeee post sometime soon.

His burn still hasn't healed. It's retarded that i still think of him, that i still have an once of hope. But i do. Bc i didn't lie when i told him i loved him.

FAILED DEAC'S I BET

Dan just texted me. Thank God

Dan's still mad at me

I think i look really pretty today even though my skin isn't the greatest (:

Cool. School's over....

Mike:so how's luke ryba?Me:oh,him and i aren't friends anymore...Mike:what,did you break his heart?(laughs)Me:i guess so...(whispers to self)or he broke mine...

I'm starting to hate my life

Kait, kim, kris, vee, tri, corny, and i in the car watching barbie on our way to yankee candle

Going to yankee candle with the fam...

When my room's clean, it scares me at night

Watching a suicide/depression show with my sisters.... I don't like this... Kris is just laughing, but vee understands.

taaaaanyaaaaaaaa

dannnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 when did you enter the land of fs?

you type in that box!

I told her not to fucking sign me up for this shit. Seriously, leaving school 2 hours early to do this crap. The hell.

Cool, mom. Why don't you go fuck yourself dead. Sounds good. Soooo pissed right now.

Mr.Hook is a scary driver... Seriously. We just turned a whole bunch of corners, and if the windows were open, then i would be out the car.

Wow.... Leaving school at 12:30p for another stupid phychiatrist appointment.... Ughhhh >.< fml.... Thanks mom, you rock. (sarcasm)

Veeka is serenading me with 'santa baby' love this girl

Uhmm yea so i hate seeing people from school outside of school

Got my dress and stripper heals!

Going dress shopping for kelsey's partyyy (x

Mr.Hook and i are talking about how i'm sexually active lol

I'm going to fail his test... I didn't even study. Let's see how much i remember.

Mr.Hook is driving so fast that i'm starting to feel sick.

Wearing the lipgloss nick loved best...

Yes! The lake is starting to freeze!

Mom told me that i DID break my nose in the orphanage. She had health paper things. They said that i fell into a chair. Russia couldn't fix my nose.

I always end up walking into doors, or walls, or corners, and people.... I have like no depth perception whatsoever.

Mom said i could possibly get rhinoplastry soon!!!

Might go to NY for my sixteenth.

i wish i could erase him from my memories. he fills all my thoughts. i want him. i want him so much. i ruined like i ruin all good things. i can't concentrate because i know he's somewhere out there not thinking about missing me. i know he's out there breathing and thinking about someone else that he loves. everyone loves someone all the time. you can't go without love. love is what i need. i thought i found it. i thought i had it. i lost it. i lose everything bc i'm too afraid to face them. i tried so hard to be myself. to be the right one for him. to have him love me back. i wish i could have a second chance, but i obviously can't. so, i'll just hold my breath until he looks my way and changes his mind.

i haven't been online for a while. i just... i don't know what to say. the happy pills don't seem to work. i still feel like crying. i'm tearing up writing this.

Don't be afraid, i only changed the layout. This is still tanya (:

Just 'marbled' my nails. They look pretty good for my first time.

I know exactly how i'd kill myself.

The happy pills made me sick. They're not working, either...

Sitting on my bedroom floor naked bc i feel like it. Suck it xD

In the mood to texturize my hair. It takes a while, but let's see how it comes out.

Cool, just got home, and i'm like extremely sick. Gross. Fml.

Bobby just creepily hugged me, and i almost shit myself bc he scared me so bad.

I had a pretty bad day. Well it was good for the most part, but then it got bad. I don't know. I feel gross.

I love dan, bc i'm allowed to be weird with him bc he knows me as 'tanya'

Oh and fyi i did get sleep last night, but i was extremely restless. I couldn't get all the boys i've ever been with off my mind. I'm really an awful person.

I was kind of enjoying the weekend. I don't want to go to school. Too bad i just got here...

Okay... So i took the happy pill. I know i said i wouldn't.... but i thought about it.

Life's starting to suck again. I'm going to stop taking the pills. I don't deserve to be happy. It's 11p. I feel like i won't get any sleep tonight.

Feeling better than i have in a long time.

Haven't been depressed since i started taking the pills i said i wasn't going to take.

HAHAHA SEEE!! classic. boy says: i love you, and then hates you forever. tres cliche.

Haha i keep telling everyone that he won't answer back, that he hates me. That i don't care. Look, i was right.

Just watch, he hates me

Mom won't get me a drink, so i was like "i'm moving out when i'm 18, that's in 2 years. I won't visit you for the first 3 xmas'" hahaha -t

Today has been a good day

Veeka stop being a creep

They all thought i was a slut bc my shirt was so low.... So they're calling me 'their whore' cuuteee (sarcasm) but, hey, at least i'm not a prude(:

Lol last night at rhs all my old friends were like 'wow, tanya! You've changed!!! You're a slut now!" -i've always been a slut, you just didn't know it yet-(;

Chad came over! Yes! He doesn't hate me! We went to 7-11 and he got me a giant slushee just like old times.

Going to cay's to go to the play to watch julez(:

"you're the beast!" "it's not THE beast, it's A beast, dad" *pats on shoulder* "but good try!* my dad is hysterical!

Oh cool.... South street... Why does all they're friends live here....!?

I like when we kiss, and i break it and see you smiling at me.

Yeaaa new expo markers! (this is tres delayed, but i'm drawing on my whiteboard and it's 9:41p) (:

Yesh! Finally finished! 2 hours later....

I was there too long. 1:30p-7:00p and i have so much homework. I started it at 7:45p... And it's 8 something, i'm not even close to done yet... FML

I have no one to talk to.... I'm shaking so hard, and i can't get away...

Are you kidding me, he said she is "majorly depressed" coool and all these fat asses are staring at me like i'm the mental one. I can keep my weight in check.

I'm not taking those fucking pills

Uhmmmm phychiatrists are weird...

Min-ji saved my ass in health!

Dan makes my day (:

Dan is the cutest thing haha he's seriously the only guy i can count on.... He's the only one who hasn't dumped me, and he knows everything too

Hold my hand and never let go bc when you do i'll be the whisper you hear as you watch my tears flow

FWD: There datingg and they rrlly like eachotherr and u knowww <333

Oh! To add to yesterday's list of nicknames: titty-tanya- vee and kris call me this. Watermelondrea: THEM nickname. tahnzi: vee calls me this.

Lol yes this is dann and u know the ussual french rican and russia relationship;) << love this dude (x

Woah: random thought! If dan and i ever went out then he'd know everything bc he's read my blog since it started.. And i don't lie or keep things off it.Awkward

Dan sends me the stupidest forwards... <33

One day i'll kill them all then kill myself bc who wants them around if i'm not anywhere to be seen?

I hate when people call me bi-polar, and they have no idea that i'm MEDICALLY BI-POLAR

i'm pathetic and wish he would just say hi....

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future


i can honestly say: nick.
 
but i know it's not going to happen bc i'm not in love with him, and he's not in love with me. 04/2018 doesn't exist anymore, obv, but he was lieing the whole time so why would i have believed anything he said in the first place.
 
i don't believe in love or marriage. i'm cannot see my future past sophomore year...

Wooot went to border's (: got a book and escape the fate cd

Lmao dan (x love him.... Clueless dumbshit