Thursday, June 3, 2010
double identity
it's hard to believe i'd be the type of person that cuts herself and cries herself to sleep...it's hard to believe, i can barely believe it ( i repeated it for gramatical dramatics ) at school; i'm the loud, outgoing, confident, and fun to be around chick. at home; i'm the angry, mad, sad, and emo chick.... what's wrong with this picture. it's like i have a double identity.
people are drawn to me because you always know there is a party when i'm around. i'm fun...i'm loud....and i make everyone laugh. i'm always jumping up and down and doing my signature "fireworks" i'm dramatic and there is never a dull moment with me. i can be shy but start a conversation and make me feel comfortable and i'm right out of my shell. i'm the type of person that likes to spill her own secrets. i hate hurting people and i dislike gossip. i stray away as far from shit as possible. people all over school know my name, i have a loud laugh that makes everyone's head turn in my direction. you can always see i'm having a good time. you know you're jealous. i never say no to anyone that wants to talk to me. i'm not the type that judges people by their "covers" if i may say so. i touch people when i talk, like their arm or face. i like to make a real connection when i'm with someone, because, yes, i care about you and care what you have to tell me. i'm the person you go to to tell me you're sad and want some cheering up. i always have a funny story to tell my peers. i give good advice, and i want to help you out. i'm ideal for anything you can come up with.
i'm adopted so people tell me it's natural to be depressed and be sad sometimes. i don't think people experience what i experience when i step in the car after school ends. it's an instant mood shift. i'm hyper and happy at school and i get in the car and i want to kill someone. i'm always angry. anything that my parents do, sets me off. they breathe to loud, i want them to stop fucking breathing all together. they chew with their fucking mouths open, i just want them to choke on their food and die. they yell at me for the dumbest shit and accuse me i'm lying. what the hell did i lie about? nothing! i go in my room and cry. people say shit about me everyday. there are rumors circulating everywhere about my sex life. so what, i'm a freshman in highschool...what does that matter? they say things like i don't wear underwear to school...i definately do....i can prove that. they say shit like i'm a poser. i don't even look at trends, i don't give a shit, if i see something i like, i'm going to buy it and wear it like i'm proud, because I AM proud. the worst things out there are the false words people say to hurt. it's like an emotional dagger. i'm always broken hearted. i can't seem to find the right guy. he was there...and now he is gone.... i put my life into a relationship and the slightest thing kills me (figuratively) i try my best to please, but i'm always taken advantage of. i cut myself to get my mind off the emotional pain. the blood that runs down my body is like the emotional pain is excaping me for a couple of moments.... it feels good and it's distracting. i'm addicted to cutting, i make small insicions all the time just to make myself hurt. when i hurt physically, my thoughts are only on that, nothing else is in my mind but the pain that envelopes me.
my life is a mess.
love
tears
tanya
people are drawn to me because you always know there is a party when i'm around. i'm fun...i'm loud....and i make everyone laugh. i'm always jumping up and down and doing my signature "fireworks" i'm dramatic and there is never a dull moment with me. i can be shy but start a conversation and make me feel comfortable and i'm right out of my shell. i'm the type of person that likes to spill her own secrets. i hate hurting people and i dislike gossip. i stray away as far from shit as possible. people all over school know my name, i have a loud laugh that makes everyone's head turn in my direction. you can always see i'm having a good time. you know you're jealous. i never say no to anyone that wants to talk to me. i'm not the type that judges people by their "covers" if i may say so. i touch people when i talk, like their arm or face. i like to make a real connection when i'm with someone, because, yes, i care about you and care what you have to tell me. i'm the person you go to to tell me you're sad and want some cheering up. i always have a funny story to tell my peers. i give good advice, and i want to help you out. i'm ideal for anything you can come up with.
i'm adopted so people tell me it's natural to be depressed and be sad sometimes. i don't think people experience what i experience when i step in the car after school ends. it's an instant mood shift. i'm hyper and happy at school and i get in the car and i want to kill someone. i'm always angry. anything that my parents do, sets me off. they breathe to loud, i want them to stop fucking breathing all together. they chew with their fucking mouths open, i just want them to choke on their food and die. they yell at me for the dumbest shit and accuse me i'm lying. what the hell did i lie about? nothing! i go in my room and cry. people say shit about me everyday. there are rumors circulating everywhere about my sex life. so what, i'm a freshman in highschool...what does that matter? they say things like i don't wear underwear to school...i definately do....i can prove that. they say shit like i'm a poser. i don't even look at trends, i don't give a shit, if i see something i like, i'm going to buy it and wear it like i'm proud, because I AM proud. the worst things out there are the false words people say to hurt. it's like an emotional dagger. i'm always broken hearted. i can't seem to find the right guy. he was there...and now he is gone.... i put my life into a relationship and the slightest thing kills me (figuratively) i try my best to please, but i'm always taken advantage of. i cut myself to get my mind off the emotional pain. the blood that runs down my body is like the emotional pain is excaping me for a couple of moments.... it feels good and it's distracting. i'm addicted to cutting, i make small insicions all the time just to make myself hurt. when i hurt physically, my thoughts are only on that, nothing else is in my mind but the pain that envelopes me.
my life is a mess.
love
tears
tanya
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