My head was bleeding.... I almost passed out... And of course my parents are yelling at me. It all just makes me cry harder.i want it all to be over. Except him

I'll be crying all night... I mess everything up. I really love the guy... That's what sucks.He pretty much gave up...You might see my name in an obituary soon.

It would be so easy to kill myself.It would take half a second for me to slit my wrists/jugular after writing my letter.It would be a joke,i'd laugh at my death

Well tonight wasn't a total fail. Rain killed it. Kels and i were mostly gossiping and being bitches lol fun

I don't want kidsPERIOD

There's a song and it says "love is the answer" i'm just wondering, what was the question?

"i love you to death...... do you love me to death?"

he told me to look up "my beautiful rescue" by the providence. i don't know... he said it was the best song ever, so i did. and i have a playlist starting of all the songs he recommended to me. they all have to do with girls... and love. is that supposed to tell me something? well i think this song is beautiful. especially:

"I'm falling more in love.

With every single word I withhold.

I'm falling more in love.

With every single word you say.

 I'm falling head-over-heels for you."

 

honestly, i have no idea if i'm supposed to find a message in these songs from him.... if so, he loves me i guess... or he's recycling songs from ex-gf's, and using them on me to make my "heart melt"

 

not going to happen, i'm not that gullible. it's weird... all these songs remind me of nick because he would always make up songs on the spot and sing them to me.... 

hey ignor that last question i didnt write it!!!!!!!!!!!!! just delete it my friend was over who dosnt like you and she wrote it when i was out of the room I DIDNT WRITE IT i love you in sorry nothing she said is true!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay....

you type in that box!

..... fuck you your a dumb slut bitch who stabs her friends in the back and acts all innocent all of these ppl on her saying that you are nice has obviously only seen the side of you that i fell in love with but when you turn around and lie and do some

....wow?

you type in that box!

maria's party!!!!

OMJ so  maria's party was sooooo fun (:

in the beginning of the night, i arrive there [fashionably] late. i get there a half an hour later than the time bc i'm just a bitch like that (;

emily sybert answers the door and she's like "HEY TANYA" and i'm thinking "this is totally fucked up"
i sit next to alex. and there's a lot of people i don't know there. so emily/julia/maria go upstairs. i'm downstairs with julie/alex/joe/mandy. they're all talking about inside jokes and stuff. emily/maria/julia come downstairs all obnoxiously giggling with mardi gras masks on... they all go outside and joe goes with them. after a while; i start talking to the other girls and we all become friends. joe comes back inside, i'm friends with him now. the other girls come back and go upstairs. we start talking about them and shit bc you know teenagers like to do that.... anyways there was a HUUUUGGGGEEEE fight, not even exaggerating. it was like "earth shattering"  emily/maria/joe/julia go upstairs on joe's (maria's brother joe, not the other one) balcolny, we decide to go up there too so they don't talk shit. we all become friends now. we all go back inside bc we're freezing our asses off. i think we hang out inside and eat for a little while. then we start planning on doing dingdong ditch so we all go outside. picture a huge, rich neighbor hood with enormous houses and lawns then 8 teens walking down the streets with their heads covered in hoods.... yeaaa pretty cool, huh? mandy needed to get a sweatshirt and joe went with her. they were running back and mandy fell (we all heard it, but none of us saw it except for joe) her elbow was disgustingly bloody, but she told us not to worry about it. so we're pretty much walking around the neighborhood at 10 at night stealing people's halloween decorations, dingdong ditching, and screaming like little girls. then a car started to follow us.... so we went back to maria's at that time. when we got back, we decided to make a bonfire (my second one of the day as a matter of fact) alex went into the house with mandy to help clean her cut. while they were in the house, we were outside talking/eating/laughing and melting plastic silverware. it was fun. then alex comes out and tell us that mandy fainted. we all go inside after we put the fire out. mandy is alright. we all ask alex about what happened. "mandy's head started to droop when they were cleaning the cut. there were like 10 people watching her so it must of made her nervous. her head dropped a second time, and grandma carol said "omigosh she's going to faint" like 2 seconds after, her head hit the counter top really hard and she fell backwards off the stool and onto the ground like extremely hard. then 5 minutes later she woke up and said "where am i" god it was the scariest thing ever, i'm going to be traumatized my whole life now" so that was the story. we all went on the wrap around couch. emily's legs on me, emily lying on joe, maria also lying on joe, julie sitting on maria's ass, mandy inbetween maria's ankles, and julia sitting on the coffee table; this was after alex left. julia then left, followed by emily, then joe, then me.... and the other two girls obv. haha the night was great and i made no enemies and have great memories. last halloween, i did nothing. so this was a good follow up. HAPPY HALLOWEEN