why all these luke questions? yea, we say hey in the halls. SCANDALOUS! not, no need for you to obsess. take a few deep breaths. *in..... out...... in..... out* are you calmer now?
Saturday, October 16, 2010
my email to lauren about luke.
lauren, i have so much to tell you so i'll try my best, let me quickly grab my cell phone....4 seconds later.... GOT IT
so luke texted me at 11:04, he apologized for not being able to text me before-hand, he said he had things to do. his text said that he waited for me by my locker at the end of the day, but i wasn't there. he said he missed me. 2 minutes later he sent a text saying he was upset bc he thought i was asleep. i told him i was awake after i got that text. he asked me how i was. i was doing awful, lauren, i was bawling for no reason. so i told him. "Omgg! Are you okk? I' so sorry :/ can I help? I love youu <3 what's wrong? :/" that's what he sent me. i told him i wasn't having a good night. i went to the swim meet and patdick was there (i didn't mention him by name to luke) well dick was shirtless and he kept staring at me for 2 1/2 hours. it freaked me out. luke wanted to help me, he told me to forget about everything, clear my head. i asked him if he lied to me yet. "Nope! Nothing I have to lie to you about. Basically I really want you in my life somehow... And I'm not fuckin up my chancess" that's really sweet(: he says that he doesn't like to be a bad boyfriend, but somehow he always was and it bothered him. he says he wants to sit with me when we have the same lunches... eating will be harder than usual for me if that happens. he wants to come over tuesday and he asked what we were going to do. i told him that if it's not raining, we're outside. i'll show him the dam and maybe valley. and just talk and try to get over that awkward bridge that him and i have. he says he's going to kiss me. i told him i'm always nervous about first kisses, i don't want to mess it up. he speaks polish. he told me that one time he went to a fortune teller and she told him that he was going to marry someone from another country and have three kids. he asked me what my view on fate was. me- " I feel like everything's already mapped out. that everything you say just adds to this web. like we can make our own decisions, but once we make a move on the decision, it changes your whole future completely. i don't really believe in Heaven or really even God, but i believe in the dark side. i don't worship the dark side or anthing. i fell like everything's either good or bad, truth or lies, death or life, love or loss. never both." his response was "You're pretty amazing btw (: haha. You're like, super cute, a lilttle mysterious, and very like adament with what you think. I love that." adament means: having your views on something, and sticking with them. " a little later he said "So yeah. I like youu. I miss you & wanna see you." i told him my 3 favorite candies were 1)warheads 2)sourpatch 3)mike-n-ike. he says he was going to stick sourpatch and mike-n-ike in my locker someday. i told him i don't like people spending money on me, he said all i needed to do was hug him and it would be alright. at 12:27p he said "Ugh. I don't think you should go to sleep. You should talk to me, cuz i like talking to youu. Lol" i told him i was about to say the same thing ( i really was ) he started drawing me graffitti after i told him i was laying in bed reading/texting/listening to music. it says tatyana in all lowercase (he knows i hate caps, remember) he told me that he used to write but doesn't anymore. he says he mostly is into photography and drawing. he loves aerosol arts, as in graffitti. he has graffitti in NYC, DC, CT. his tag name is: Born. he asked me if he should use colour pencils or markers, i said coloured pencils, he said he already started using that. him and i have the same like thoughts, lauren. he started mentioning how freakily similar our notes had been. "Everything you tell me about yourself I find so interesting. It's great." he mentioned how he loved my name tatyana and i told him about my insecurities about the name. he said "I don't think your messed up! The more I get to know you, the more unique I think you are. I love that. I'm sick of generic girls. You're real, and individual, and one-of-a-kind. So you're name is perfect, it matches you. It's pretty, unique, and individual." i think he felt pretty strongly about what he was saying because he messed up his grammer a few times, and he never does that. he says he will dance with me a little at homecoming but doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend. i understood what he meant, i mean, who wouldn't? i told about my food issues, he didn't get it at first so i explained, he felt awful. i told him that i'm off sex for a year, and he said he didn't even have that in his mind yet, i don't know whether that's an insult or a good thing.... we started talking about dreams. he said he mostly has reoccuring nightmares. he gets scared bc life is so hard. he told me he liked me again. it's 1:50a when he says this. we start talking about religion. he says he isn't religious because his mom is a huge religion-freak. he hates his mom and he hates his father. he says that every once in a while he'll go through huge stages of repentance, i know exactly what he means because that happens to me, too. he says the only thing he's afraid of is barbed wire. i mentioned socks which led to suicide. him and i have suicide issues. i won't tell you exactly what he said because i'm the second person he's ever told and he trusts me. i started talking about myself and my four suicide attempts. he said " You're an amazing person, if anything's ever bothering you pleasee talk to me. i wanna make you fell better whenever i can. And, at this point, you've made me like you so much that I don't want to lose you. So if you decide to not like me, I'll still be attached/ annoying." i told him i won't leave him unless he hurts me. this was 2:31a. he says he hates hurting girls, hates making them cry. i told him i was there for him, whenever he needed someone to talk to, i was here. he told me he was going to go to sleep. "i think I love you, Tanya, let's not ruin this." my heart stopped lauren, it just stopped. i haven't felt this way since nick. do you think i should trust luke? be honest. do you think he's a good guy and has good intentions? should i stop worrying about him hurting me and lieing to me? tell me what you think. be honest. love you raine. i think i might be in love with him. it's been a week, but him and i have shared so much, we know eachother's deepest secrets, we learned eachother's morals, he talked to me like he was talking to my soul. i cryed happy tears, raine. i couldn't fall asleep, the last time i saw on my clock was 4:51a, i think i fell asleep then. he texted me at 7:37a "I'm kind of tired, but it's ok, cuz every second I was up yesterday was worth it. (: " i wish love was easy. i wish you could trust someone with everything, fully trust them and know they wouldn't decieve you or tell you things just to get you vulnerable enough for them to have sex with you. tell me everything you're thinking, lauren. ♥
so luke texted me at 11:04, he apologized for not being able to text me before-hand, he said he had things to do. his text said that he waited for me by my locker at the end of the day, but i wasn't there. he said he missed me. 2 minutes later he sent a text saying he was upset bc he thought i was asleep. i told him i was awake after i got that text. he asked me how i was. i was doing awful, lauren, i was bawling for no reason. so i told him. "Omgg! Are you okk? I' so sorry :/ can I help? I love youu <3 what's wrong? :/" that's what he sent me. i told him i wasn't having a good night. i went to the swim meet and patdick was there (i didn't mention him by name to luke) well dick was shirtless and he kept staring at me for 2 1/2 hours. it freaked me out. luke wanted to help me, he told me to forget about everything, clear my head. i asked him if he lied to me yet. "Nope! Nothing I have to lie to you about. Basically I really want you in my life somehow... And I'm not fuckin up my chancess" that's really sweet(: he says that he doesn't like to be a bad boyfriend, but somehow he always was and it bothered him. he says he wants to sit with me when we have the same lunches... eating will be harder than usual for me if that happens. he wants to come over tuesday and he asked what we were going to do. i told him that if it's not raining, we're outside. i'll show him the dam and maybe valley. and just talk and try to get over that awkward bridge that him and i have. he says he's going to kiss me. i told him i'm always nervous about first kisses, i don't want to mess it up. he speaks polish. he told me that one time he went to a fortune teller and she told him that he was going to marry someone from another country and have three kids. he asked me what my view on fate was. me- " I feel like everything's already mapped out. that everything you say just adds to this web. like we can make our own decisions, but once we make a move on the decision, it changes your whole future completely. i don't really believe in Heaven or really even God, but i believe in the dark side. i don't worship the dark side or anthing. i fell like everything's either good or bad, truth or lies, death or life, love or loss. never both." his response was "You're pretty amazing btw (: haha. You're like, super cute, a lilttle mysterious, and very like adament with what you think. I love that." adament means: having your views on something, and sticking with them. " a little later he said "So yeah. I like youu. I miss you & wanna see you." i told him my 3 favorite candies were 1)warheads 2)sourpatch 3)mike-n-ike. he says he was going to stick sourpatch and mike-n-ike in my locker someday. i told him i don't like people spending money on me, he said all i needed to do was hug him and it would be alright. at 12:27p he said "Ugh. I don't think you should go to sleep. You should talk to me, cuz i like talking to youu. Lol" i told him i was about to say the same thing ( i really was ) he started drawing me graffitti after i told him i was laying in bed reading/texting/listening to music. it says tatyana in all lowercase (he knows i hate caps, remember) he told me that he used to write but doesn't anymore. he says he mostly is into photography and drawing. he loves aerosol arts, as in graffitti. he has graffitti in NYC, DC, CT. his tag name is: Born. he asked me if he should use colour pencils or markers, i said coloured pencils, he said he already started using that. him and i have the same like thoughts, lauren. he started mentioning how freakily similar our notes had been. "Everything you tell me about yourself I find so interesting. It's great." he mentioned how he loved my name tatyana and i told him about my insecurities about the name. he said "I don't think your messed up! The more I get to know you, the more unique I think you are. I love that. I'm sick of generic girls. You're real, and individual, and one-of-a-kind. So you're name is perfect, it matches you. It's pretty, unique, and individual." i think he felt pretty strongly about what he was saying because he messed up his grammer a few times, and he never does that. he says he will dance with me a little at homecoming but doesn't want to hurt his girlfriend. i understood what he meant, i mean, who wouldn't? i told about my food issues, he didn't get it at first so i explained, he felt awful. i told him that i'm off sex for a year, and he said he didn't even have that in his mind yet, i don't know whether that's an insult or a good thing.... we started talking about dreams. he said he mostly has reoccuring nightmares. he gets scared bc life is so hard. he told me he liked me again. it's 1:50a when he says this. we start talking about religion. he says he isn't religious because his mom is a huge religion-freak. he hates his mom and he hates his father. he says that every once in a while he'll go through huge stages of repentance, i know exactly what he means because that happens to me, too. he says the only thing he's afraid of is barbed wire. i mentioned socks which led to suicide. him and i have suicide issues. i won't tell you exactly what he said because i'm the second person he's ever told and he trusts me. i started talking about myself and my four suicide attempts. he said " You're an amazing person, if anything's ever bothering you pleasee talk to me. i wanna make you fell better whenever i can. And, at this point, you've made me like you so much that I don't want to lose you. So if you decide to not like me, I'll still be attached/ annoying." i told him i won't leave him unless he hurts me. this was 2:31a. he says he hates hurting girls, hates making them cry. i told him i was there for him, whenever he needed someone to talk to, i was here. he told me he was going to go to sleep. "i think I love you, Tanya, let's not ruin this." my heart stopped lauren, it just stopped. i haven't felt this way since nick. do you think i should trust luke? be honest. do you think he's a good guy and has good intentions? should i stop worrying about him hurting me and lieing to me? tell me what you think. be honest. love you raine. i think i might be in love with him. it's been a week, but him and i have shared so much, we know eachother's deepest secrets, we learned eachother's morals, he talked to me like he was talking to my soul. i cryed happy tears, raine. i couldn't fall asleep, the last time i saw on my clock was 4:51a, i think i fell asleep then. he texted me at 7:37a "I'm kind of tired, but it's ok, cuz every second I was up yesterday was worth it. (: " i wish love was easy. i wish you could trust someone with everything, fully trust them and know they wouldn't decieve you or tell you things just to get you vulnerable enough for them to have sex with you. tell me everything you're thinking, lauren. ♥
lukeee......
♥♥♥
i told him so much, he told me so much, we were honest. he didn't come over thursday, his friend got into a car accident so luke stayed with him in the hospital. ♥
he wants to come over tuesday.
he says he loves me, the real way, i've pretty much revealed everything about myself. he told me his deepest secret.... he's an amazing guy. someone on formspring asked if i wanted to "get with luke" him and i are just friends with secrets. i like him. he has a girlfriend, though. i won't dishoner that. i'll just kiss him, that's not too bad.
he and i pass notes during school. he made me three paper roses that were blue. blue is my favorite color for flowers. in one of them; he wrote a note. "dear tanya, love you! hope you have a better day (: ♥luke" it was really sweet bc he saw me on the verge of tears on wednesday. he gave me the flowers thursday. we passed eachother notes in the hallway friday. everyone saw it. all of these exchanges. he's not afraid to show he likes me, he's not like most boys i'm used to. him and i have so many things in common, we even think the same. our notes had the same topics. we fold them the same way but we didn't tell eachother that we were going to write notes. he knew i liked coloured pencils better than markers. he's into the same arts as i am. he drew me graffitti. he and i both need a little help.
i just hope i don't get hurt. i feel like i might fall in love with him, especially after our conversation last night/this morning. he's so sweet. he says he won't hurt me, he says that he wants me in his like and he's not fucking up his chances.
♥♥♥
♥♥♥
i told him so much, he told me so much, we were honest. he didn't come over thursday, his friend got into a car accident so luke stayed with him in the hospital. ♥
he wants to come over tuesday.
he says he loves me, the real way, i've pretty much revealed everything about myself. he told me his deepest secret.... he's an amazing guy. someone on formspring asked if i wanted to "get with luke" him and i are just friends with secrets. i like him. he has a girlfriend, though. i won't dishoner that. i'll just kiss him, that's not too bad.
he and i pass notes during school. he made me three paper roses that were blue. blue is my favorite color for flowers. in one of them; he wrote a note. "dear tanya, love you! hope you have a better day (: ♥luke" it was really sweet bc he saw me on the verge of tears on wednesday. he gave me the flowers thursday. we passed eachother notes in the hallway friday. everyone saw it. all of these exchanges. he's not afraid to show he likes me, he's not like most boys i'm used to. him and i have so many things in common, we even think the same. our notes had the same topics. we fold them the same way but we didn't tell eachother that we were going to write notes. he knew i liked coloured pencils better than markers. he's into the same arts as i am. he drew me graffitti. he and i both need a little help.
i just hope i don't get hurt. i feel like i might fall in love with him, especially after our conversation last night/this morning. he's so sweet. he says he won't hurt me, he says that he wants me in his like and he's not fucking up his chances.
♥♥♥
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