i'm so glad none of my friends read this. they'd give me hell. i only give this to people i know i can trust

just swallowing all the pills i can without it being too obvious. this is my third time trying it this way in the past two months

i'm so pathetic. i should give up. i really should, but i can't. i resent that

turns out kris is an inch shorter than i am. yuck. she wants to be twins, but she's so fake that that idea disgusts me

i have a gynocology appointment...fun? NOOOO! mom's starting me on birth control... thanks??

he unfavorited my tweets.... that was like a dagger to the heart... i want to be over him. this is starting to suck. why does he have to do that? he said he was "reminiscing" was he drunk or something? he deleted me on facebook and everything. i hate this, torturing myself with the memories. there weren't even that many. not even compared to nick. nick and i don't talk anymore. i didn't want to get hurt again. i'm already trying to mend myself. to put the pieces of my broken heart back together again. i wish i had the guts to end my life bc it would make everything so much easier. i would be gone. just a distant memory. someone you don't even remember by name.

hey

to find my profile, scroll all the way down to the bottom of the page, on the left-hand side, there is a picture of me with the caption "moi" (me in french) click that.

a note from the author

hey everyone (which is NOT a lot, i can assure you) i'm sorry for not posting a lot. i haven't gotten around to getting hold of a computer. i kind of just "stole" my laptop from the very "secret" hiding place that my parents have put it. obviously, i couldn't give a shit.

my life is kind of in ruins at the moment. having drama with everyone and trying to keep myself from falling off the edge. i try so hard to please everyone. i try to leave everyone alone if i'm getting the vibe that they don't want me around. trying to put on a happy face even though every muscle in my body is screaming "NO!!" i honestly don't know what i'm doing anymore. i don't know why i'm here. i'm just wasting everybody's time. just try and prove me wrong.

i'm going to start another blog along with this one. it's going to be a series of letters to the same person.i'm only going to post when i'm on a computer, i may add pictures that remind me of him, lyrics, poems, and scan things onto it. anything goes. it's always easier to write when you have someone to write to. i'm so in love with him. i hate myself for having any hope left for him. i'm pretty sure he knows who he is. i won't give you the url for it, but you can find it on my blogger profile if you really want to read it. i don't even think the person i'm talking about even reads this blog anymore.

love and tears

tanya