Mom told me that i DID break my nose in the orphanage. She had health paper things. They said that i fell into a chair. Russia couldn't fix my nose.

I always end up walking into doors, or walls, or corners, and people.... I have like no depth perception whatsoever.

Mom said i could possibly get rhinoplastry soon!!!

Might go to NY for my sixteenth.

i wish i could erase him from my memories. he fills all my thoughts. i want him. i want him so much. i ruined like i ruin all good things. i can't concentrate because i know he's somewhere out there not thinking about missing me. i know he's out there breathing and thinking about someone else that he loves. everyone loves someone all the time. you can't go without love. love is what i need. i thought i found it. i thought i had it. i lost it. i lose everything bc i'm too afraid to face them. i tried so hard to be myself. to be the right one for him. to have him love me back. i wish i could have a second chance, but i obviously can't. so, i'll just hold my breath until he looks my way and changes his mind.

i haven't been online for a while. i just... i don't know what to say. the happy pills don't seem to work. i still feel like crying. i'm tearing up writing this.

Don't be afraid, i only changed the layout. This is still tanya (: