randomness through my brain right now....

so yea.... my period has finally released its pressure on my stomach, it hurt like hell no lie it felt like a sumo-wrestler was sitting on my lower abdominals eating a giant cow.. legit. i dare any guy out there to go through what a girl goes through for a week of their life an maybe they'll finally calm the fuck down on us ladies. ughhhhh but thanks advil for finally helping me out. omj lauren got hers during our second exam and i legit started getting the pains in the first one. thank thy lord that we aren't in school. she and i are ovary twins haha. wow... morbid laughing much? haha. this is going to be a long post so if you hate reading i don't want you to be in pain.... emotionally. but if you love//like me then you should just read it or if you're bored and i'm your charity case then yea.... read

exams were easy, not hard at all. we had french first and i finished within the first 20 minutes. yep so that's an hour and 10 minutes of pure boredom to go through. then i had my religion exam and wowwww that was a long one! it had 150 questions +++ 7 essay questions... the test started at 9:45 and i ended at 10: 15 so yea...i had an hour...of nothing.... soooo bored. and my stomach really started to act retarded during that one. so many girls had their periods in that class. me, lauren, elsie, morgan, erin, and alex. wow... weird right?

i saw patrick right when i walked into school, i was going to walk up to him but then stupid geoff (my ex best guy friend) starts talking to me so i didn't want to be rude and talk to some hottie right in front of him. i mean come on i was geoff's first kiss, i have to be nice. then i saw patrick again when going up to my first exam classroom, lauren and i were the only two in there so i was going to ask him to hang out but then all my other friends decided to join us in the room and he was with some guy ( that lauren wants to know the name of for some odd reason...) and i didn't want to be rejected//mortified... so i just let him walk on by. i really want to kiss him.... but at the same time i don't it's like mixed emotions on him. he says he loves me but i never believe anyone when they say that (unless it's a great friend. see: danjuan martinez<3) so i just say i love him too, but i don't really love him.... in a way i guess, but definately not legit. i always get nervous around him, i even have like radar, whenever he is near me (except this morning outside french, i was oblivious) i can like feel it before seeing him. he had me make him a bracelet....so i did...

wow i just ate a huge bowl of soup but again i'm starving and it hasn't even been an hour since i have eaten. funky stuff.... i honestly just don't care about my life, i'm really trying to make an effort to care. no lie. but for some reason i just want to sleep.... or cut.... everyone wants me to stop. i'm not going to. it's my life, my choices, my blood, my scars....  if you don't like it then just go away...

yesterday was my last day of school. i can't believe it! i never used to talk to people before because i'm so beyond the valley of shy...but i made a friend (lauren) on the first day of school and she and i are still besties. lauren and i went to kelsey's after school. lauren's parents hate me so she and kelsey kept me a secret from her dad. so when her dad showed up when i was wearing lauren's bikini top we freaked out. i went behind the pool shed and just stripped it off and threw it out for lauren. kelsey said to go inside the shed and hide until she got back outside. so i'm standing there in a shed with no top and black bikini bottoms freezing my little ass off scared that my best friend lauren is going to get in trouble in case her dad saw me or my mom showed up or kelsey's dad would have spilled the beans on my being over there. but nothing happened! kelsey showed up 10 minutes later with a towel for me and we went back inside and changed into our regular clothes and i got picked up. i took pictures. so i'll put them up.

i think i'm done. i'll just put up pix from the last day and from kelsey's.

love

and tears

tanya (;