i think john's in love with me.  we talked on the phone for like 6.5 hours yesterday.... he's the only one that actually listens to me... i have lots of random shit in my head, it's great that he actually is there for me to talk to.... he even heard me sing.... i hate singing in front of people.... mmmm.... i don't know if he really knows me though, like he knows some of the substance that makes me, me. i tease him a lot... haha but he's my best friend. he won't tell me if he is in love with me though.... it does matter, he doesn't think it does. i don't want him to think i'm in love with him back, i love him, but IN love, i don't think i can fall in love again after what has happened to me in the past, my heart is fragile, i can't trust that. i think i'm going to take a year of chasity, no official relationships, unless i find the one, or julia, i won't have sex... i don't want to be too advanced. i've made mistakes in the past... i had sex with someone on the third date once.... i'm not making that mistake again. i keep thinking about josh... i made so many mistakes with him, but i think i may have fallen in love with him, when i saw him the other day, i was freaked out (i didn't recognize nick until i saw his father) i hope josh doesn't still hate me.... but he should. i messed up hugely, but he did too, i was only being honest. wow, this whole post is practically a gigantic run-on sentance... yea, i'm a grammar nerd. i love this song (touch-down turn-around by hellogoodbye)