Love Story

the first day of sixth grade i knew only a few people, the day was a blur and i had to go to an afterschool program because no one would be home with me.

i remember sitting down at the first table, second chair in the middle of the table in the front of the classroom, i had no idea what to do so i looked up at the door, a guy walked in. i had butterflies in my stomach, i got all melted inside... my whole body felt as if it were ice cream left out into the sun for hours. he was the one, and my body, mind, and heart knew it. he looked over, he smiled, i almost fainted. he was gorgeous with a diamond-dusted smile to match. his hair was a ash-brown and floppy and looked soft. he was short and his pants were low. he had great skin. he was a year older than me. him and i became friends instantly. we dated all through till he graduated.

before he graduated from middle school, him and i got into a huge fight. yea we broke up a few times over the years but i still got the tinglies even after the breakups. this break up and fight was different. my little sister, vica, was paying him to go out with me. and i found out through my friend because my friend had a crush on me and looked out for me. the guy did not deny to being payed a weekly allowance for dating me.  it shattered my heart so much that i couldn't be in the same with him without the need to want to kill him. i fell out of love with him as fast as a 10 dollar bill could be slapped into his awaiting palm.

i was in 8th grade, i forgot all about what happened right before the summer vacation. i just was glad i was with friends and i could see them every day at school. 8th grade was definatley my best year at VCMS. but then i had the highschool orientation for RHS and guess who i saw.... yea him again. all the memories came flooding back that i had blocked out of my head for so long. i'm glad i looked good that day. i went on facebook that night and he messaged me. he was like "tanya, call me, we need to talk" so i called him and we talked. he said he loved me. it changed everything. this was may of last year.

so him and i started to go out on june 17 it was awesome. my first date was the last day of 8th grade. i went to his house, i remember it so well. i was in his room...we were watching a movie. i asked to move to the bed where it was more comfortable so we did. he kept kissing my head. he asked why i hadn't kissed him and i said i wasn't ready. he had to bring me home. i showed him my room and sat on the edge of my bed. he was about to leave. i said "wait, no kiss?" and he was like "seriously" i nodded. he walked over and kissed me. i felt like the world had left me. it was just me and him. the kiss was short. 2 seconds, and closed lips. that was my first kiss. he and i hung out almost everyday of the summer. i remember when he first fingered me...when we had midnight walks in henry park...he ate me out in a tree ( i hate it ) i remember having sex...i was so mad at him. we were fighting more than ever. he took my virginity. i took his. it should've been magical, but i wasn't feeling the magic. i asked him to stop...it was akward... we broke up the next day.sex was our closeur. we both knew it was the end for us. he accepted it fine, he was cheating on me for 2 weeks so he had a girl to rebound on.

i never realized i was in love with him till we broke up. i wrote songs, cryed, tried to find new guys, dreamt about him, destroyed everything he gave me except a sweatshirt he gave me on our first date, i still have it and wear it. i don't love him anymore. he always holds a place in my heart.

i don't believe in love anymore. i love the idea of falling into love where the guy loves you as much as you love him. you're his only one, he is yours. you kiss and always get tingles. you hug and never want to let go. you talk and text every moment you're able. they fill all the empty spaces in your brain and you fill theirs. they say "i love you" and they mean it. they let you go at your own pace and when you do have sex, it is magical. you want to be with this person your whole life and they want you their whole life also. they are the one, you are their one. love is so great that it is hard to believe. i experienced it once. nothing to say but pure bliss. i don't believe in it anymore but maybe i might.

love

tears


tanya