dan

everytime he talks to me, i think it's going to be different, but in the back of my head i know it's never going to be the way i want it to be.

he said he wanted to be single this summer and you know have a fling with me at camp, i agreed because well that's how i am, i hate relationships, they never work, there's always jealousy and anxiousness and i can't deal with that shit. i hate summer relationships, i just want to flirt and have fun, a romance would be cool. all of a sudden, dan wants a relationship and he divorces me and is like " you want a boy toy but i want a relationship, i need a girlfriend tanya, i can't function without one" so yea...that's how dan and my story always ends. it sucks, i'm never going to get over him, i've always liked him. he's just so cute and he's sweet and wow now he's hot so yea... and woot (sarcasmic woot that is) now i have 4 fucking weeks of camp with him where he is either single and ignoring me or has a girlfriend and can't talk to me... it never works in the end... him and i are just not meant to be i guess, which really sucks. when i tell him i love him, i mean it. i really do love the kid...  o wait sorry he hates being called a kid, not that he even reads this... i love the man, i can't even smile... dan if you do read this... i mean it, all of it, i love you, i wish there was some way we could work out but there's not... i wish we were still married because i don't know what to do with our 18 kids... that was a failed attempt at a joke... guess i'm trying to raise my spirits. i can't be friends with dan without feeling the attraction and seeing him flirt at camp is going to be a serious downer on my 4 weeks of being there because he won't be flirting with me... i'll live through it i guess. maybe some harmless flirting... love you dan juan martinez, always will always have

love and tears, tanya